Hello Children,
It has come to my attention that there is a very, very, very pressing issue in the mind of a friend of mine. She is unaware of the magic and the beauty of the Crisper. How can one live in a world and not understand such a thing? Preposterous! So my first entry will be in order to alleviate this poor soul from the torture that is not knowing about crispers.
A crisper is a place inside of ones refrigerator, please adjust your minds eye to see this children, that is most usually put near the bottom and usually comes in the form of a drawer. "But", you may ask, "Good sir, why is it that they call it a crisper? Is that a way for the British vernacular to keep me down? Is that where they make their "crisps"? Should I fear the next British Invasion, but this time in the form of Potato chips called Crisps instead of bands named after insects?" The answer to these questions are: because it makes things crisp, yes, unfortunately no, and yes this is a constant and ever-present issue in which all should fear and prepare accordingly for. The crisper is unfortunately not a place to find incredibly tasty but rather limey potato chips, but rather a place where you would consider to keep your un-chipped potatoes and other deathly poor-tasting-unless-covered-in-butte-and-flavouring-to-hide-their-taste foods like: broccoli, carrots, radishes, and cauliflower. Occasionally, however, the really good food in which your friend or spouse is trying to hide because they are planning to eat it themselves or it is a necessary part of a delicious dish in which you may or may not have a chance to taste because your friend or spouse may or may have ill intentions of savouring the food for themselves whilst you choke down broccoli garnished with tears is kept. For this reason you should always check the crisper. Be sure to have a pair of oven mittens and a clothes pin nearby in order to protect yourself from any chance osmotic transfer of the vile crisp crisper food into your system before it has a chance to be buttered and deep fried in a way that you can just avoid them and segregate them on your plate anyway.
Aside from the occasional gems in which you could find in the crisper its purpose is to make those vile foods (and other horrors I chose not to mention out of fear and Freudian repression) last as long as possible. Why on God's green earth would someone choose to invent something that would make such food that the poor sad cute little bunnies are forced to eat last so long? This is the work of the Devil. The Devil invented crispers and for this reason we should do our best to combat the new Brittish Invasion of Crisps because behind all those innocent Brits is the burning eyes and creepy fingers of Lucifer, the one who holds the patent of the Crisper in your very own refrigerator. We cannot stand for such injustice to live on in the same container that we hold our brewskis and soda-pops. We cannot stand and let the Devil haunt us with the devilish food (unless its Devil's Food Cake or Deviled Eggs). Stand with me, my children, and destroy your crispers! Let not the chains of Hell hold you down any longer! Free yourself of your oppressor and say "NO MORE!" to crisp vegetables!
Good Night my Children,
Jimmy "The Pickle" Mercer
PS: Visit the blog of the friend who was lucky enough to be ignorant of the Crisper at littlecommentaries.blogspot.com and tell her just how lucky she is.
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